Still no job

I'm ashamed to admit how long I have been unemployed for now.  I've put out hundreds if not thousands of applications, and hardly ever hear back from anyone.  Today I was given an interview for Walmart, I had gotten all excited and thought it would be a sure thing.  I've never been to an interview and been turned down.  Now that I had the opportunity to talk with someone I was sure I would get the job.

So, I walk into Walmart walk to the back and inform the worker there that I was there for my 10:30 interview. She looked at me as though I were some chore she didn't want to do and told me that all the applicants were to wait at the bench a few feet away.  Immediately my heart sunk, I mean there are multiple applicants for this job?  Who would have thought, for a minimum wage third shift stocker there would be multiple applicants?  So I waited around, and eventually had my name called and I went into the back for my interview.

Remember how interviews used to be?  You would walk in and meet someone that was excited to see you, usually you would joke around and asked a few questions?  It is not that way anymore, now I was sitting in front of a panel of three people being asked of how I would respond in certain situations.  None of them were happy to be there, I was just another job to be completed.  They just wanted it to be done with.  I have social anxiety disorder, and when people probe me like this it just freaks me out.  I felt as though I were applying to some high profile job.

I can't really express how depressed I am right now.  I just had worked myself up, thinking this was a sure thing.  But, I know I will not get a call back.. I just didn't answer their questions as well as I could have, I was having a panic attack and finding answers to their questions really proved difficult.. and it sort of pisses me off, because I know I am a hard worker.  I love people too, and go out of my way to help them.  I know I would perform the job better than most of the third shift workers at Walmart, because I have been in the store that late at night and they mostly treat people like crap.

I failed, because I am not as good of a liar as they are in the interview process.  I failed because for some reason, in unfamiliar situations when I am the center of attention in a group of people, I become overwhelmed with anxiety.  I just thought this was going to be easy, and yet here I remain an unemployed stay at home dad, while my wife works two jobs.  I feel horrible right now.

I've worked for IBM, helping out high profile clients fix their machines..  literally responsible for millions of dollars, I managed a hotel at night, I've been in charge of a kitchen.. but I can't even get a job as a stockman anymore.. even Mcdonald's hasn't called back.. and the sad thing is, it is not like I haven't been trying.. I have, and this is the first interview I have had for well over a year.. well over two years.. Lets just say when the recession hit, I was hit pretty hard too.

I will probably have another month before I take my CNA exam to become licensed in the state of Florida.  Hopefully, I can at the very least get a job doing that.. if not, I think I might go insane..  Well, there is always the possibility that I am just being too hard on myself and Walmart will call back tonight but I really doubt it. I really would like a job there, but I don't think it is gonna happen.